The Power of Rumor

The Power of Rumor

Many of you may know that I spent a year of my undergraduate schooling in Canada, at a small private junior college just outside Vancouver, BC….. It was a year that changed my life direction. It was there that I learned something about the possibility (necessity!) of meaning and purpose beyond myself, about the value of an advisor who was willing to mentor me (priceless!), and it was there that I also learned something about the power of rumor.

While in BC, I developed a deep (but platonic) relationship with another student, a woman whose name I cannot now remember but whose face I can see as clearly as I did 40 years ago. We shared stories of life and love and our dreams yet to be realized, and we were both just “geeky” enough to be able to draw close to each other without it ever turning to romance…. what a privilege to have a true female friend!  Finished with my year there, I returned to the US and she went back to her Canadian home somewhere in Alberta (I think), and that was the end of it…. until I got a letter from another friend telling me that my female friend was pregnant under less than ideal circumstances. Oh, I remember how distressed I felt at thinking about what she must be going through and it didn’t take more than a minute before I was writing a long letter to her, telling her how much I believed in her and would support her in any way I could….. About a week later I received a letter in response to mine, explaining that she wasn’t pregnant, never had any reason for her (or anyone else!) to believe that she was, but nonetheless so very grateful for the support that I had extended to her. Boy, was I embarrassed (and relieved!)

So, what did I learn?

• I learned that the half-live of a rumor is directly related to the scandal associated with it.  No one even thought to spread a rumor about the platonic nature of the relationship I had with my friend, or about how we were learning so much about ourselves by sharing our thoughts and experiences with each other.  But a rumor about an untimely pregnancy spread like wildfire, even without the aid of social media!
• I learned that not every rumor is true.  In fact, most of them aren't.  The truth of our lives is seldom as interesting as the stories that can be made up, and reality seldom lends the strength of support that we seek for our purposes.
• I learned that, as weird and uncomfortable as it might feel, going to the source is the best way to know the truth.  Inquire instead of assume.  Not only do we learn the truth, but we build clearer lines of communication and stronger relationships in the process.  Rumors are the product of “talking about” instead of “talking with” and have a corrosive effect on both relationships and community.  

So, what rumors have we heard lately?